Apparently losing to Southampton this weekend wasn’t enough to get Louis van Gaal fired by Manchester United, so here are ten things that could actually get him a pink slip
1. He could spit on Sir Alex Ferguson
He’s already done this figuratively so perhaps he’s capable of doing it in the literal selse as well. A well placed spit could get LVG the pink slip he so richly deserves.
2. He could rename Old Trafford, Rooney Trafford
I suppose this could be justified given the way the United captain has played this season, but it still might come off as a bit insensitive to the Old Trafford faithful.
3. It could be revealed he’s forbidden the team to score in the first half
At least it would explain United’s typical performance over the first 45 minutes of their home matches.
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4. Marouane Fellaini could start in goal
LVG has played him everywhere else on the pitch, the only spot left to salvage his value would be to start him in goal. So what if David de Gea has been one of the best keepers on the Premier League? Van Gaal loves to make the out-of-the-box discussion.
5. Van Gaal could turn United’s jerseys blue
The manager could conclude that since United fans seem to want his team to play more like Manchester City, so why not make his team look more like their neighbors?
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6. He could hire an interpreter
Van Gaal thinks he is so much smarter than the United fan base that I could actually see this happening. It’d be like Mauricio Pochettino at Southampton, but Poch was easier to understand.
7. He could invent and implement the 1 10 formation
Just imagine the innovation that LVG would show if he invented the 1 10 formation and became the first manager worldwide to implement it. Rooney up top, with 10 defenders might be enough to cause a riot at Old Trafford.
8. He could change his wardrobe to track suits
Plenty of United fans have a borderline obsession with Jurgen Klopp, so it’s possible van Gaal might try to emulate him. If he can’t do it with his personality or tactics, he could go from the blazer to the track suit a la Klopp.
9. He could go party with Memphis
The struggles of Memphis Depay have been a huge obstacle to van Gaal’s success at United. In a desperate attempt to really connect with his high-priced acquisition, LVG could go on a weekend bender with Memphis. The pictures in the tabloids would be enough to get him fired.
10. He could make United the most boring attack in the Premier League
Wait, you guys have got me there. He’s already done that and he’s still employed. So this list is just nine things he could to get fired.